Tuesday, February 22, 2011

What a Difference a Day Makes

Just so everyone knows, I'm not able to access my blogger site to do updates, so I'm sending these updates via email.  I have no idea how it looks or if all the pics are actually coming through, so I apologize in advance if the blog looks kinda funny.
Livvie slept more than 12 hours last night (she was understandably exhausted from the day before).  We were very surprised she didn't cry when she woke up with us.  She was shy and quiet at first, but we actually got a few smiles out of her.  We had her watch us give Lucky a bath and then decided to see if she would let us put her in the tub (she needed a bath something fierce!).  We filled up the tub and put her in with some stacking cups and she was great about it.  I wouldn't say she had fun, but she definitely wasn't scared.  She played with the cups and let me wash her up and rinse her off with no fuss at all.
After the tubby, we got dressed and went down to the hotel lobby for breakfast,  The girl likes to eat!!!  She will eat anything we put in front of her.  The orphanage staff actually cautioned us to take food away from her or else she will eat to much.  It's so sad that these kids never have enough to eat and typically feel hungry, you can see it in her eyes when she sees food that it's just a primal need for it. 
She was great during breakfast and then we had to head back to the Civil Affairs office to make the adoption official.  We got to the offices and they asked us "if we would promise to never abandon her", "if we would give her a good home and education", "if we liked her", and "if we still wanted to adopt her"  Yes, Yes, Yes, and Hell Yes.   So it was official, in the eyes of the Chinese government, Livvie is ours.  :)
During our time at the office, she really started coming out of her shell. She was running around laughing and actually called me "mama". She loves to run and give these coy little smiles and shake her head.  I'm going to try to attach a video clip of her to the blog, but I don't know if it will work.
Here's what we know about Livvie so far:
- She's a girly-girl.  When she noticed me putting on lip gloss, she went and brought me her Hello Kitty purse and held out her chapstick to me.  I opened it up and she put it on her lips and smacked them together and smiled at me.
- She loves the ipod touch - we are going to have to beg, borrow, or steal to buy her one of her own when we get home.  Because if we don't, there's going to be a war between her and Lucky (and she's scrappy enough, she just might win).
- She seems pretty ditsy (in a adorable way).  She has this way about her that is almost valley-girl / airhead / ditsy.  Hard to explain, but pretty darn cute.
- She was SPOILED by her nannies.  She doesn't seem to know the word no and is downright stubborn when you try to take something away from her.  She is going to be a challenge (Annie - stop laughing!)
So overall, today was a much better day.  But things got REALLY rough again around bedtime and she started grieving again pretty hard.  She keeps trying to put on her shoes and coat and going to the door and we know she's trying to tell us to take her back.  When she finally accepted we weren't going to, the defeat and grief in her was like a knife through the heart.  It took about an hour for her to finally fall asleep.  You can read all the adoption, attachment, process, books and websites in the world and nothing will prepare your heart for the absolute grief they go through and how completely helpless you feel while their little body is racked by the most heart-wrenching sobs you've ever heard.  I'm not trying to be a downer, but I do want to paint a realistic picture for all the followers I have that haven't picked up their little ones yet.  This trip has been harder than anything I could have imagined and I would be lying if I didn't say there weren't times I wish I could just pack up and go home.  But I have faith that we're doing the right thing and things will get better.  Hopefully tomorrow will bring more smiles and less grief.